Tag: school

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A Love of Learning

The Conversation No Parent Ever Wants

(KaliAntye/Shutterstock)

I was the perfect parent once, and then I had children. Nothing in life prepares you for this journey. There is no rule book, no instruction manual, and no one has walked the exact path you will. It is quite literally the most unique experience that any individual will have, and it is by definition, the perfect example of being thrown into the deep end without knowing how to swim. No one is ever fully prepared for the journey of parenthood.

Yet when that little ones arrives, it is life changing. The love and instant connection between a parent and child is evident in so many ways. The hopes and dreams that every parent has for their child begin with that first look. We will do anything to protect that precious little one. We have dreams of seeing them achieve and hopefully not struggle.

A life without struggle, though, is not in the cards, and as parents we are often powerless to stop pain and hardship when it comes. So, what do we do when those hard life events and tough conversations inevitably come? Honestly, it is something none of us are truly prepared for.

It was the end of the school year, and my wife and I sat across from two teachers and the principal. It had been a long road up to that point. Our son had struggled in a number of ways and we were rapidly approaching the end of his kindergarten year. No matter how hard we worked or how hard we pushed him, he was still having a hard time.

As we sat there discussing his future, strategy after strategy was outlined to ensure his success, but even that seemed to be in question. As the list grew longer, the task of advancing him to first grade seemed more and more daunting. I finally looked at the team and asked, “Does he just need to repeat?” It was one of the hardest questions to speak, but it was one that needed to be asked.

“Yes, it would do him a world of good, and it might help us find better ways to help him.” It’s hard to describe what I felt as both a parent and an educator hearing that answer. A 20-year veteran of education, and I couldn’t help my own son. I felt like a failure.

We knew what we needed to do, yet did not want to do it. That was not the last hard conversation that we had about one of our children. Ultimately, we made the choice to hold him back and begin the process of testing to determine how best to help him. What I did not realize at the time, was that in some ways, this was one of the most successful conversations and decision we had ever made.

Many times, I asked to myself, “What I could’ve done differently to prevent this”, but in reality, that question was not fair to myself or my child. You see, as a young parent and teacher, I was missing some very important truths, and did not see that:

  1. Just because he learned differently, didn’t mean something was wrong.
  2. These learning differences made him unique and special and that was something to be celebrated.
  3. Just because he needed help, meant just that, he needed help, as we all sometimes do.
  4. Blaming myself was not productive, and would stand in the way of helping him.
  5. I need to do what was best for him, and not what I thought was best for me.
  6. He was created unique and special, and these experiences, even the challenging ones, would help make him the man that he was supposed to be.

As parents having these hard conversations is never easy, but when we approach it from a place of humility, and have our child’s best interest at heart, the decision becomes much easier. As a parent, and even if you are an educator, when this conversation, or another like it, presents itself (and it will), try to remember these things:

  1. These discussions are never easy, so have them with humility and grace.
  2. Let go of your ego. It’s not about you, it’s about your child.
  3. Find someone you trust and let them help you step back and look at this decision from all angles.
  4. Don’t see or speak of this as a negative, but as an opportunity for you and your child.
  5. This will be something unique in this child’s life, and will help make them a stronger and better person, but a lot of that will depend on how you frame it.
  6. Don’t blame yourself, and give yourself a break. Even if you did make a mistake, there are no perfect parents.
  7. Even in these hard conversations, celebrate the successes. Even though my child struggled, there were so many things he did well, so many talents and abilities he had. Struggle does not equal bad.

With the decision made, we went home and told my son. I will not lie, he was upset, he even cried, but we encouraged him, and then put on an episode of his favorite show, “The A-Team” and life once again was good. Our children are going to struggle, but what we decide and how we choose to help them, will ultimately make all the difference. This was not the last hard conversation, but each one helped us find new ways to support him.

In 10th grade, he was inducted into the National Honor Society. I’m not saying that will be the case if you decide to hold your child back, but more times than I can count, when I have seen parents make this or another tough decision, I have watched the child become even stronger. I do know, that had we not done this for my son, his struggle would’ve been far greater.

As parents, we are forced to have conversations and make decisions that are hard, but sometimes the hard decisions can be some of the most impactful and the best ones for our children. It’s all in how you choose to view it.

Charles Mickles is an educational consultant with over 25 years in education. As a speaker and author, he has published 3 books and written numerous articles featured on The Mighty, Yahoo Lifestyles, and MSN. You can follow his story and read more at www.MinesParkinsons.com 

Categories
A Love of Learning Homeschooling The Great Outdoors

A Rise in Roadschooling

The Lundys are one of about 6,000 families that homeschool on the road. (Courtesy of the Lundys)

When Margie Hamel Lundy and her husband, Allen Lundy, decided to road school their three children in 2010, they didn’t ask school authorities in Ohio for permission. “We didn’t offer up that information either when we left,” Mrs. Lundy said in an interview. “We were already working from home and were homeschooling our kids.” So, they packed up their fifth wheel travel trailer, which they had hooked to their truck for weekend camping trips, and started driving.

(Courtesy of the Lundys)

“The biggest obstacle for me was my mindset and learning how to do things in a different way, because growing up traditionally and going to public school is what we knew,” Mr. Lundy said. “Road schooling was scary. It required a big change of mindset. Once we got that, there was so much freedom in it.” For Mr. Lundy, it was the thinking that a child has to sit down at a desk to learn from a specially trained adult that needed to change in order to get behind the idea. “We didn’t realize, until we watched it happen, that kids can learn from anyone and everything all the time,” he said.

The Lundy kids doing some schoolwork. (Courtesy of the Lundys)

Today, their children Lizzy, 21; Josh, 21; and Matt, 18 are all grown up and living on their own. The Lundys, however, continue to travel the country. “We’re having a good time,” Mrs. Lundy said. “We visit the kids, too. We saw our daughter in Nevada and now we’re seeing our son. It’s fun to travel and see them and then travel again.”

(Courtesy of the Lundys)

Road schooling—also known as RV homeschooling—is the practice of homeschooling children while driving on the road from city to city or state to state without attending a brick and mortar school building. “Just because it’s called homeschooling doesn’t mean that the schooling has to always take place in your home,” said Thomas J. Schmidt, a staff attorney with the non-profit Home School Legal Defense Association (HSLDA).

Regarding how they homeschooled their kids for 11 years while driving, Mrs. Lundy said the state of Ohio required teacher overviews and some reporting to the county. “It wasn’t hard but we did have to figure it out and talk to some people who were more familiar with Ohio’s homeschool laws,” she said.

(Courtesy of the Lundys)

Eventually, the Lundys relocated to Florida, where homeschool accountability is easier. “We joined an umbrella group through Florida Unschoolers and then all you have to do with the umbrella school is report attendance,” she said. “We didn’t have to do a dossier check through an accredited teacher like we did in Ohio. Florida requires private umbrella schools to verify our kids have at least 180 days of attendance each school year, so 45 days each quarter.”

The Lundys are among the 6,000 parents who have participated in the tuition-free Florida Unschoolers, which is a legal path for parents to comply with the state’s attendance law. Others work with the HSLDA. “Children arrive in kindergarten with a strong desire to learn, and they receive great joy from learning,” said Lee Jenkins, author of the book “How to Create a Perfect School.” “If parents who are RVing and homeschooling can keep this desire to learn alive, and if the children receive joy from the learning, the plan is a good one.”

In May, the RV Family Virtual Summit, co-organized by Bryanna Royal, taught parents how to hit the road with their school children in tow. There were multiple Zoom instructional webinars, including: how to transition to road life, how people of color are received on the road, what is the cost of RV living, telling your family you are hitting the road, and how to avoid educational roadschooling potholes and school tickets.

“School doesn’t have to look so traditional,” said LaNissir James, a high school educational consultant with the HSLDA. “It can be very eclectic if you choose.” LaNissir and her husband Lorenzo are homeschooling their seven children on the road in their RV. “I love to use travel guides,” LaNissir said in an interview. “Another favorite is state parks because you can learn a lot of history from the state park. You may have a guide to your state park and then you can talk about the history of the state park.”

Staying overnight and waking up at a camp site is also a great educational opportunity, according to James. “All the campsites have so many fun things and games like chess,” she said. “They have lots of logic games and other things that you can do.”

A downside to the family’s roadschooling, however, is only having one toilet in their RV. “There are times we all are lined up and have to use the bathroom at the same time,” LaNissir said. “There’s a conflict there. They don’t make RVs with three bathrooms yet.”

Juliette Fairley is a graduate of Columbia University’s Graduate School of Journalism. Born in Chateauroux, France, and raised outside of Lackland Air Force Base in Texas, Juliette is a well-adjusted military brat who now lives in Manhattan. She has written for The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, TheStreet, Time magazine, the Chicago City Wire, the Austin-American Statesman, and many other publications across the country.

Categories
A Love of Learning

Never Give Up: Tears and Triumph Over Long Division

(Shutterstock)

Third grade–we all remember it–some memories are good, others, not so much, but one thing that many of us remember is math. Already a huge transitional grade, it’s also a school year in which many new concepts are introduced, and no subject introduces more new concepts than math.

As a third-grade teacher for 10 years, I saw students respond in many unique and interesting ways to this subject and its concepts. Yet no concept evoked more self-doubt, fear, and angst in students, and sometimes parents, than division. In a year already filled with many new experiences, this concept, with its many steps and many opportunities for mistakes, often made students want to give up before they even started.

One year there was a young lady in my class who was very bright but often doubted herself. On the day I first introduced division to the class, you could see the anxiety on the students’ faces, but for one little girl, tears began to flow. She looked at me brokenhearted and simply said, “I can’t do it.” So after I got the class started, I called her to my desk, and we walked through the problems step-by-step. At the end of each problem, she would give me the same answer, “I just don’t understand. I don’t think I can do this.”

As the days turned into weeks and weeks turn into months, I wondered when she would believe in herself enough to do it. Every day we would get out our math books, and as soon as she saw division on the page, tears began to flow. I would call her to my desk and calmly walk her through the problem, helping her see that she could do it. Most days, my help involved nothing more than simply saying, “What do we do next? What do we do next?” Every time, she was able to answer my question and do the problem.

Finally, one day, I looked at her after we had done three problems, and I said, “Tell me what I said as I helped you?” She thought back over our interaction, all of a sudden, the lightbulb came on above her head. She looked at me and said, “All you said was ‘What do you do next?’” I said, “Exactly. You did all the work. You know how to do this, but you’re just not sure of yourself. So here’s what I want you to do. First, look at this problem. I want you to go back to your seat, and every time you get nervous, hear my voice saying, ‘What do you do next?’”

With still a little hesitation, she looked at me, and I smiled and said, “I know you can do it.” She went back to her seat and carefully did the problem. As soon as she was done, she jumped out of her seat screaming, “I did it. I did it.” When she brought her paper to me, she certainly had. From that day forward, there were no more tears.

Honestly, parents, sometimes we are in the same place ourselves. There have been times when my daughter brought me math homework to get my help, and I didn’t even know where to begin (and I have a master’s degree). It’s not easy as a parent to sometimes admit that you’re not sure what to do, but there are days when I’ve had to.

Over the years, there were many stories like this. Early on in my teaching career, I would get frustrated, until I started to ask myself, “Why is the student reacting this way?” I realized that sometimes it was just overwhelming for them, they didn’t trust themselves, and didn’t realize that all along, they could do it. We, as a parent, can forget how daunting the learning experience can feel for our children.

Think of how you have felt at a new job. Were there days that just seemed like too much? Days where you felt like all you did was make mistakes? Imagine every day going to work and having your report corrected and being shown the mistakes you made and then having to come back and do it again and again.

Don’t get me wrong, this is necessary, and I’m not saying that students’ errors or ours shouldn’t be corrected. But any time you’re learning new information, there are going to be many mistakes, there’s going to be a lot of uncertainty, and it will be overwhelming. As adults, we just find better ways to hide it.

How our children feel about success, failure, and learning depends greatly on us as parents and teachers. We must never forget that what we do and how we react will set the tone. When working with children, keep these in mind:

  1. Be patient and try to remember what it was like when you struggled in new situations.
  2. Talk to them about your own challenges and fears.
  3. Hold their hand and steady them until they feel like they can do it on their own.
  4. Let them know that mistakes are OK, and sometimes are necessary to the process.
  5. No matter how long it takes, never let them quit, and never give up on them.
  6. Finally, don’t be afraid to tell them you don’t know how to do something. When I did, I was surprised how much it helped them as they learned.

We set the tone. Our attitude and reactions to our children and students often tell them what’s most important to us. When we give them the space to mess up, we show them that it’s OK and that we are there to help them take the next step in learning. This freedom is the greatest gift we can give to help them overcome their fear and uncertainty. This will enable them to believe in themselves, find success as they keep trying, and never give up.

Charles Mickles is an educational consultant with over 25 years in education. As a speaker and author, he has published 3 books and written numerous articles featured on The Mighty, Yahoo Lifestyles, and MSN. You can follow his story and read more at www.MinesParkinsons.com