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From Playing a Power Ranger to Becoming a Mom Entrepreneur, Actress Jessica Rey Is a Positive Influence

Jessica Rey is a busy mom of three, but she constantly reminds herself to enjoy the adventure. (Tony Tran)

“Where did you get that?” The first time Jessica Rey wore her self-designed swimsuit to the pool, other girls wanted to know. The actress—best known for her role as Alyssa the White Power Ranger in the 2002 TV series Power Rangers Wild Force—spent a lot of time at the pool between jobs in Hollywood, and owned around 100 bikinis. But this swimsuit was different: It was a simple, ruched one-piece reminiscent of the 1950s, based on the vintage styles she loved but modernized with swim-friendly fabric. She had designed it and asked a roommate to sew it for her because she could not find a one-piece in stores that made her feel good.

She realized she wasn’t alone.

That was the impetus for her business Rey Swimwear, designing flattering, feminine, and functional swimwear for women who’d rather not wear a bikini. “I’m trying to give women an option to feel beautiful in their own skin, in their own swimsuit, and feel confident,” Ms. Rey said.

Ms. Rey’s swimwear line focuses on feminine, elegant designs that don’t show a lot of skin. (Cynthia Garcia)

Her foray into entrepreneurship followed a personal journey with modesty—a concept she initially disliked. But as she dove deeper into her faith, she came to a new understanding of modesty as “wanting to uphold the God-given dignity that we are made with, for ourselves,” she said. “I started paying attention to the way I was being treated when I was wearing revealing clothing, and I didn’t like it. So I decided to stop.”

Ms. Rey co-authored a coffee table book, “Decent Exposure,” in 2015, and launched a clothing line, Estella, in 2017. Now, in between running her businesses and brainstorming new ventures, she continues to attend Power Ranger conventions, where she loves meeting fans, and homeschools her three children, ages 10, 11, and 13.

How does she balance it all? American Essence spoke with Ms. Rey about her daily routines, what keeps her inspired, and making the world her family’s classroom.

The first thing I do when I wake up is: offer up a morning prayer. That is the priority. The morning prayer is what I’m going to offer my sufferings and intentions for that day. Then, while I’m still in bed and with my red light on, I do a daily gospel reflection using the Hallow App.

I take care of my health by: creating daily habits. I find that if you don’t have a routine when it comes to this kind of stuff, it’s not going to get done, because who really wants to take supplements or exercise?

I follow my wellness routine as soon as I wake up. I get up and go bounce on my trampoline, which really gets my lymphatic system going and also wakes me up! I am so into weird holistic things. My vision has been going bad, so I’m following a program to improve my vision naturally: While I’m bouncing, I look at something far away for 10 seconds, and then I focus on something close up for 10 seconds, and I go back and forth. Then I go and drink a glass of homemade kefir and go into the office and answer emails while I walk on my under-desk treadmill.

I keep a written checklist, and so in the morning when I do all the health and wellness things on my list, I check them off, and that actually motivates me for the rest of the day. Oh look, I just checked five things off my list—I feel like a rock star!

Something that’s been on my mind lately is: getting into the tween girls’ clothing sector. My daughter is now 11, and I’m discovering that appropriate clothing is hard to find for her. Where do we buy shorts or skirts or dresses for this age group that aren’t mini? It just doesn’t exist for them. I’m seeking out a business partner because my specialty is swimwear.

Ms. Rey’s family photo. (Courtesy of Jessica Rey)

What people get wrong about modesty is: thinking it’s just about clothing. Modesty encompasses not just the way you dress but the way you act, behave, the way others treat you, and your way of thinking and carrying yourself. It has to do with beauty. We are all made beautiful and unique, and what are we going to do with that beauty?

My role models are: Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn. They are so beautiful and elegant. I think their style of clothing is so flattering for most body types, and also really functional.

My personal role model is my mom. She passed away 15 years ago, and she’ll forever influence how I live my life. She was so supportive, always. When I got the job as a Power Ranger, I was two classes away from finishing my MBA. I had to tell my mom, who was so excited about my MBA, that I was going to stop school for a year to go and be a Power Ranger. She had no idea what a Power Ranger was. She was like, ‘You’re going to forego your MBA to be a cartoon character?!’ She did not understand it. She was so upset. But then when the very first episode aired on TV, I went to my parents’ house and watched it with them and she was so proud she cried.

One thing I didn’t expect about being a Power Ranger was: that being on that show would have such an impact on people, and that I would still to this day be meeting fans.

On set, we would often have Make a Wish Foundation kids come. Their last and final wish was to meet us—and I couldn’t wrap my head around it. The very first visitor we had was named Joseph. He was a tiny little boy and he had leukemia. We had been told he was coming and to prepare ourselves, and I didn’t even know what that meant—prepare myself? On set, with cameras on my face, I saw the door open and in walked this pale 5-year-old wearing a blue Power Ranger costume, and I lost it. I just started bawling.

Ms. Rey with young Joseph. (Courtesy of Jessica Rey)

I stayed with him for the rest of the day and got to know his parents. I told his mom, ‘I just know he’s going to be fine. When we wrap this show in a year, I’m going to fly to New York City and I’m going to come hang out with you guys.’ So that was the first place I went when we wrapped the show: I flew to NYC for the first time. We went to the arcade, we had lunch, and I went to their house. I’m happy to say that Joseph is still alive and we are still friends.

As a mom, my homeschooling philosophy is: make it up as we go along. Every day is different, and I think that’s what makes it fun and engaging. One day we might cook all day, and the next day we might do math and writing. We do lots of outings. We have a nature group that we go out with a couple of times a month.

Ms. Rey homeschooling her children. (Courtesy of Jessica Rey)

They learn a lot while we travel—how to make pots in Italy, how to fresco paint in Croatia. We’re going to Umbria, Italy, for the month of May. I’ve set up cooking classes and horseback riding lessons; we’ll go to leatherwork workshops; there’s an amazing insect museum there. The kids will have Italian lessons a couple times a week. A lot of it is hands-on—that’s what makes it exciting.

My favorite way to unwind is: traveling with my family. Seeing the world through my kids’ eyes is so wonderful. My parents worked so hard and taught us the value of work. My mom always said that she would enjoy life when she retired, but sadly, she died a year before retirement. So we teach our kids the value of hard work, but we also want to teach them how to live and enjoy life now. We want to show them that there needs to be a proper balance.

From May Issue, Volume IV

Categories
A Love of Learning

Building Trust Through Meaningful Conversations

(Bermix Studio/Unsplash)

As the primary educators and role models for their children, parents are naturally concerned about promoting healthy decision-making, effective goal-setting, and problem-solving opportunities in the family. This is especially true today, when it’s harder to protect kids from troublesome and potentially dangerous influences in the online world and on social media.

In 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic created an additional challenge for families. Many parents struggled with the mental and emotional impact of this crisis on their children. Normal routines were disrupted when students couldn’t go to school. They felt isolated and disconnected, and many were unable to keep up academically.

Most of us would agree that parenting in 2021 has become more complicated and difficult. As schools open up again, concerns remain. Is the education that our children receive helping them learn how to deal with the challenges they face? Daniel Goleman, in his groundbreaking book, “Emotional Intelligence,” remarks that “as a society we have not bothered to make sure every child is taught the essentials of handling anger or resolving conflicts positively.”

Smart families know that schools and peer groups will not necessarily provide enough facts, or the support needed, to empower their kids to make the right choices. Smart parents get informed and stay proactively involved in the everyday world their children inhabit. They talk with their kids. Family discussions about what goes on at school are especially important today, when there is a lot of pressure on schools to include liberal, rather than traditional, content in the classroom. Parents need to be very alert to new changes in curricula that don’t necessarily match their values.

Just how do families create a safe place for honest and open conversations? When parents and children talk about what’s really going on, in a friendly and safe way, problems can be discussed, and support given. Those children who are fortunate to experience this can more effectively manage social pressures and emotional ups and downs, and they are less likely to experiment with risky behavior. In the most ideal sense, families can be like a school of love, providing a safe and caring environment that promotes the practice of emotional intelligence within the family and beyond. If your family is already like this, congratulations! If not, you may be wondering how to move in that direction.

Parents may not be aware of the problems their children face, because a lot has changed since they were kids. Young people today struggle with an assortment of challenges that can become chronic problems. Test-taking anxiety, shyness, hormonal changes, low self-esteem, anger issues, boredom, and relationship frustrations are only some of the emotional dilemmas they experience.

When a child has social anxiety, parents can help by role-playing and practicing what to say and do in different situations. Parents can also teach their child stress relieving techniques, like deep breathing, meditation, and muscle relaxation. A child might also need help with assertive communication, which is different from being either too passive or too aggressive. We can give them lots of realistic and regular positive feedback by pointing out their strengths, and at the same time, provide support when they have difficult feelings. Parents can help their children find appropriate ways to express their emotions, give them space to feel upset, and at the same time, encourage them not to give up on the problem. The key point here is that parents have an essential role in helping their children find healthy ways to deal with life’s challenges.

But what if our kids don’t want to talk about what’s going on? My parents never encouraged us to talk about our feelings, so my brothers and I stuffed them inside, and felt alone and misunderstood. When it was my turn to be a parent, I resolved to change that into open and honest communication within my family. Easier said than done—and we weren’t very good at it.

However, some things we tried did work out: like a family tradition on New Year’s Eve. After a special dinner with a dessert everyone liked, our family gathered around the fireplace with pencil and paper. We each divided our paper in half, and on one side, wrote what we were sorry for in the past year. On the other side, we listed our goals for the new year. We took turns sharing out loud at least one item from both lists. Then the papers were cut down the middle, and the repentance portion was thrown into the fire, with a prayer of both regret for what we did in the previous year and the hope we had to accomplish our goals in the new year.

The next part of the tradition dealt with healing family wounds. Each of us had a paper with our name on it. This was passed around so that the other family members could write both what they appreciated about that person and, using respectful words, what they wished he or she would change.

I saved the papers from one New Year’s Eve because they revealed so much about our family dynamics. The suggestions about what mom and dad needed to change were written in a very respectful and brief manner. I learned two important things from my children that night: I was sometimes annoyingly forgetful, and I needed to become a better listener. That surprised me because I thought I was a good listener. Needless to say, I worked on it and made some improvements.

The appreciations were memorable: the children thanked me for letting them have sleepovers and driving them without complaining. At least I was doing something right! What did all this accomplish? Parents in my faith tradition, who practiced this with their children, shared that they felt it improved relationships within the family. It opened up a safe space for more transparency and trust in their relationships.

I wish we had taken more time to have these kinds of family gatherings on a weekly basis. No doubt, our parenting approach would have been more informed, and there might have been deeper bonding during those formative years. Family meetings can provide opportunity for conversations about both pleasant and difficult topics. They can be very informal, and should be fun, interesting, educational, and above all, safe. Simple discussions can become more meaningful with practice.

When mom and dad freely talk about what they do when faced with a roller coaster of feelings, kids understand that adults have similar challenges when it comes to dealing with emotions. We get angry, frustrated, anxious, disappointed, and sad, too; and when we share our own experiences of getting through tough times in a healthy way, this builds trust and connection with our children. We want to show our kids that it’s OK to be honest and to share their feelings and experiences, positive and negative, no matter what they are. Children need to feel confident that whatever they say, mom and dad will always love and accept them.

I depended on many resources when I was teaching and raising our children. “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, was one of them. I learned that conversations between the generations can improve when adults are able to apply some basic guidelines that help engage kids. When adults can accept and acknowledge children’s feelings, while providing appropriate discipline, this encourages cooperation and works better than punishing.
Most families with more than one child will appreciate the advice in “Siblings Without Rivalry,” also by Faber and Mazlish. Dr. James Dobson’s “The Strong-Willed Child” describes strategies for getting through to a child with a tendency to resist authority. The Focus on the Family website has many great podcasts, advice columns, and general information about raising children.

Many of us will agree that in the 21st century, the onslaught of non-traditional cultural influences makes it harder than ever for parents who want to raise their children with Judeo-Christian values. If we are to morally empower the next generation, it is essential for families to aggressively take charge of the education of their children’s character. As parents get more involved in conversations that build trust and understanding within the family, this will hopefully make a positive impact on our entire culture.

 

Categories
A Love of Learning

The Conversation No Parent Ever Wants

(KaliAntye/Shutterstock)

I was the perfect parent once, and then I had children. Nothing in life prepares you for this journey. There is no rule book, no instruction manual, and no one has walked the exact path you will. It is quite literally the most unique experience that any individual will have, and it is by definition, the perfect example of being thrown into the deep end without knowing how to swim. No one is ever fully prepared for the journey of parenthood.

Yet when that little ones arrives, it is life changing. The love and instant connection between a parent and child is evident in so many ways. The hopes and dreams that every parent has for their child begin with that first look. We will do anything to protect that precious little one. We have dreams of seeing them achieve and hopefully not struggle.

A life without struggle, though, is not in the cards, and as parents we are often powerless to stop pain and hardship when it comes. So, what do we do when those hard life events and tough conversations inevitably come? Honestly, it is something none of us are truly prepared for.

It was the end of the school year, and my wife and I sat across from two teachers and the principal. It had been a long road up to that point. Our son had struggled in a number of ways and we were rapidly approaching the end of his kindergarten year. No matter how hard we worked or how hard we pushed him, he was still having a hard time.

As we sat there discussing his future, strategy after strategy was outlined to ensure his success, but even that seemed to be in question. As the list grew longer, the task of advancing him to first grade seemed more and more daunting. I finally looked at the team and asked, “Does he just need to repeat?” It was one of the hardest questions to speak, but it was one that needed to be asked.

“Yes, it would do him a world of good, and it might help us find better ways to help him.” It’s hard to describe what I felt as both a parent and an educator hearing that answer. A 20-year veteran of education, and I couldn’t help my own son. I felt like a failure.

We knew what we needed to do, yet did not want to do it. That was not the last hard conversation that we had about one of our children. Ultimately, we made the choice to hold him back and begin the process of testing to determine how best to help him. What I did not realize at the time, was that in some ways, this was one of the most successful conversations and decision we had ever made.

Many times, I asked to myself, “What I could’ve done differently to prevent this”, but in reality, that question was not fair to myself or my child. You see, as a young parent and teacher, I was missing some very important truths, and did not see that:

  1. Just because he learned differently, didn’t mean something was wrong.
  2. These learning differences made him unique and special and that was something to be celebrated.
  3. Just because he needed help, meant just that, he needed help, as we all sometimes do.
  4. Blaming myself was not productive, and would stand in the way of helping him.
  5. I need to do what was best for him, and not what I thought was best for me.
  6. He was created unique and special, and these experiences, even the challenging ones, would help make him the man that he was supposed to be.

As parents having these hard conversations is never easy, but when we approach it from a place of humility, and have our child’s best interest at heart, the decision becomes much easier. As a parent, and even if you are an educator, when this conversation, or another like it, presents itself (and it will), try to remember these things:

  1. These discussions are never easy, so have them with humility and grace.
  2. Let go of your ego. It’s not about you, it’s about your child.
  3. Find someone you trust and let them help you step back and look at this decision from all angles.
  4. Don’t see or speak of this as a negative, but as an opportunity for you and your child.
  5. This will be something unique in this child’s life, and will help make them a stronger and better person, but a lot of that will depend on how you frame it.
  6. Don’t blame yourself, and give yourself a break. Even if you did make a mistake, there are no perfect parents.
  7. Even in these hard conversations, celebrate the successes. Even though my child struggled, there were so many things he did well, so many talents and abilities he had. Struggle does not equal bad.

With the decision made, we went home and told my son. I will not lie, he was upset, he even cried, but we encouraged him, and then put on an episode of his favorite show, “The A-Team” and life once again was good. Our children are going to struggle, but what we decide and how we choose to help them, will ultimately make all the difference. This was not the last hard conversation, but each one helped us find new ways to support him.

In 10th grade, he was inducted into the National Honor Society. I’m not saying that will be the case if you decide to hold your child back, but more times than I can count, when I have seen parents make this or another tough decision, I have watched the child become even stronger. I do know, that had we not done this for my son, his struggle would’ve been far greater.

As parents, we are forced to have conversations and make decisions that are hard, but sometimes the hard decisions can be some of the most impactful and the best ones for our children. It’s all in how you choose to view it.

Charles Mickles is an educational consultant with over 25 years in education. As a speaker and author, he has published 3 books and written numerous articles featured on The Mighty, Yahoo Lifestyles, and MSN. You can follow his story and read more at www.MinesParkinsons.com 

Categories
The Great Outdoors

Climbing Lost Arrow Spire

Benton Crane and his son Kyle climbing the Lost Arrow Spire in Yosemite Valley. (Courtesy of Benton Crane)

Last year, my son Kyle and I were invited to join a climbing expedition with my good friend and client, Joe, and his son, Sam. Joe has been training Sam in hopes that he’ll become the youngest person to ever climb the famed El Capitan, a 3,000-foot vertical wall in Yosemite Valley that most consider the mecca of the climbing world.

To break the record, they have to make the climb before Sam turns 11—he’s currently 7—and Joe prepares a big training expedition each year to ensure their preparation. Last year’s destination was Lost Arrow Spire, a solid granite spire that juts out from the side of a cliff next to the famed Yosemite Falls—one of the tallest waterfalls in North America. Lost Arrow Spire stands approximately 2,700 feet above the valley floor. To be clear, my son and I both are merely casual rock climbers. I agreed to go because I’m a sucker for adventure and new experiences. Kyle was 10 at the time, and hesitant to say yes—that is, until his younger sister offered to go in his place. Then he had no choice but to commit.

The Plan

Fortunately for us novices, this trip would be “light” on climbing, since we wouldn’t be climbing from the bottom up. Instead, we would start at the top and descend into The Notch, where the spire meets the main cliff. Then, we would climb the spire, camp on its face, and finally, return to the starting point via a Tyrolean traverse—think uphill zipline.

That didn’t mean it would be easy. In order to prepare, we put together a training schedule including practice climbs in a local canyon and exercises to freshen our rappelling skills, which we’d developed in the past during our family canyoneering trips. Kyle and I also spent time practicing rope climbing on the front porch of our home.

Father-Son Time

Even though we hadn’t started our adventure yet, we were already getting to spend some great one-on-one time together. I didn’t give it much thought at first, but the preparation for the trip was creating unique opportunities to bond and deepen our trust in each other. The day of the adventure was filled with all the excitement and butterflies in the stomach that you would expect. Thankfully, the whole mission would be led by elite climbers who could take care of all the ropes and rigging. Joe, Sam, Kyle, and I would be free to focus on the experience—and it was quite an experience!

The rappel down to the spot where we would begin our climb was both nerve-wracking and exhilarating, but it was nothing compared to the moment of truth—climbing the spire. This was the part of our adventure where the magnitude of what we were attempting finally hit us, and where my parenting skills would be put to the test. As we prepared for the ascent, Kyle froze, thinking he wouldn’t be able to continue. And I couldn’t blame him—I, too, was way outside of my comfort zone.

As parents, my wife and I always wrestle with finding the proper balance when it comes to pushing our children to do more; overall, we want to challenge them to grow while also letting them make decisions for themselves. But at that moment, on the face of a rock wall towering above Yosemite Valley, there was only one option, and that was to climb. It was tough love on my part, but Kyle fought back tears as he rose to the challenge, and we began the climb, making it to the top of the spire without incident.

Bittersweet Success

While that would have been adventure enough for Kyle and me, it turned out that climbing was much easier than sleeping. In order to allow enough time for the climb, we had to spend the night on the cliff face, camping on a little platform our guides had set up—it was the coldest, most sleepless night of my life.

I learned something about myself that night, as I lay there shivering, trying to keep Kyle warm and calm: My Boy Scout, be-prepared brain was in high gear trying to think through all of the if-then scenarios. I was thinking about the various things that could go wrong, and how I would respond in each scenario. It turns out that I do this a lot—constantly thinking about plans B, C, and D—this has been one of my strengths in both business and life.

I adapt very quickly, probably because I have already prepared in my mind. But on the cliffside that night, every single one of the if-then scenarios cycling through my brain came to the same conclusion: If something goes wrong tonight, all we could do was dangle there and survive until morning, when the crew could come to rescue us. The lack of options made me feel incredibly claustrophobic. I know that sounds weird, given the vastness of the expanse we were suspended in, but I felt very, very enclosed—and my fatherly instincts hated that feeling. I despised the idea of not having plans B and C for taking care of Kyle.

Life in the Moment

But there was something else I realized that night: I was fully present with my son. As a business owner and entrepreneur, there’s always a phone call, text, or email that wants to pull me away from the important moments with those who mean the most to me. That night, the same isolation that precipitated my anxiety about caring for Kyle, also meant that I had no distractions, nothing to pull me out of the adventure the two of us were sharing.

The whole climb, from start to finish, forced me to be fully present—it was Kyle, me, and a cliff face that tested both of us. We completed the climb the next day with an immense feeling of relief, but also a feeling of pride—very few people in the world had done what we had just done. The entire experience was every bit as scary as you might imagine, and neither Kyle nor I could eat until the adventure was over, because our nerves had our stomachs wound tightly in knots.

It was really, really hard. And it was really, really amazing. Kyle learned that he’s capable of much more than he thinks, and I’m forever grateful for that night we spent dangling from the famous Lost Arrow Spire. I’ve since retired from sleeping on cliffsides, but not from taking adventures with my children—adventures that challenge us, grow our bond, and give us memories that will never fade.

Benton Crane is the CEO of Harmon Brothers, the ad agency behind the most viral ads in internet history. Benton and his wife Brittany live in Utah, and love to explore the outdoors with their four children.